I posted a long time ago in this group and since then I had a horrible experience with my ex-fiance'. We had a bunch of mutual friends in junior high, high school, and college.
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I was on one of my friends pages and I saw someone who looked like him, so I clicked on the picture. It was him and I had the misguded notion that it was time to break the ice, put the water under the bridge, and just be very distant friends. He's remarried and I have a domestic partner but I thought it'd be nice to keep in touch every now and again- we were a huge part of each other's lives for five years!
Wow, was that a mistake. He wrote me back and said that now he's a youth minister and thought it would be rude to even accept a friend offer on myspace because I was "not the type of person" he wanted to be affiliated with. He said he was disgusted to see how much I've changed. e.g.- religious and polictical views. And then he said it would be rude to his wife. Okay, I can understand the latter part and that would've been plenty of a reason. But his long and hurtful e-mail really made me realize that it wasn't meant to be. It still stung like hell, and I wish he could have been more mature. I don't mean to offend anyone, it's about his character, but I thought ministers were supposed to be accepting? I guess not in Arkansas.
I wrote him back an even longer e-mail in which I expressed all of my feelings of disgust about what he'd written to me and how he treated me. I was young, he was my first boyfriend.
The hard part is my younger sister just got married and my older sister is getting married this year, too! It's a bit overwhelming and people at work are pushy and nosey. So now, I'm stuck in the middle of two new brides but I can keep my head up and truly know that I'm where I should be in life.
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I am new to this community, engaged, and have a women's podcast.
I did a piece on my whole wedding planning experience and thought some of you might get a kick out of it!
Check it out!
What a great community idea - when I was devastated several years ago, abandoned by my fiancee, there was nothing to help me. Several books on abandonment which focussed on older woman, and that was it.
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My university boyfriend moved with me to a new country when I got my first professional job - it took him months to find work, but his field is much more competative. Two years later, we were engaged, and moving back to Canada. The plan was that he would find work first - it took him 8 months to find a temporary position. It then took me 2 weeks to find a comparable job in the same city - we made plans to move, started planning the wedding, were very excited about the future.
He dropped me off at my sister's house to visit before continuing on to our new city to find us a place to live - he kissed me goodbye, said he loved me, as he always did. There was No sign of what was to come - what came was an email, two days later, saying he didn't intend to every see me again. No reason, no recourse, no explanation - I was devastated. None of his friends, or my former friends, or our joint friends, would talk to me at all. His parents hung up on me. He changed his email address - of course I was devastated. After throwing up and crying for a week I decided that I couldn't move to his city, or take that job - not with nowhere to live, and especially because I got that job to join him. I had to tell my new employers that I wasn't coming. I had to ask my sister if I could stay with her until I found a new job. I had to tell my parents that the wedding was off... I couldn't sleep, eat, or even read, for months. I eventually took a temp job, just to eat, but it was 6 months before I could think about moving, finding my own place, or applying for a real job. I still wonder about him, what happened - I still have no closure, no explanation.
Not only that, but he had charged up my credit cards, taken my furniture - I was left with literally nothing. I've had to rebuild an entire life.
I did find an awesome job eventually - they paid me to move to a beautiful city on the west coast. I met my dream man the first day I was here, we're now engaged to be married - I am more secure with him than I ever was with the first man, and have no doubts that this time, the wedding will happen and I'll continue to be loved.
My only advice is to take care of yourself - make yourself the first priority while you grieve and mourn and decide what to do. Don't make any important decisions while you are grieving. Protect yourself - your financial assets and your emotional health. Pamper yourself as much as you can, rely on your friends for support. You will find out who your real friends are, which will lead to more mourning as people in your life bail because they can't stomache your hurt, or they choose to take sides in your breakup.
What a comfort to find this community! I searched for something like this and was happy to find something like it did exist.
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I was engaged for a year, to my high-school sweetheart of five years. It endly badly, and we'd already planned more than half of the wedding. It was so hard and I don't think I could go through it again. I still dream of him all the time and find myself bitter towards the idea of marriage now. As if it's a cruel joke. He quit talking to me and has continued to pretend like I don't exist. He's remarried now. It's been four years [seems like yesterday] since it ended.
Thanks for starting this community!
I know this community will probably take awhile to get started, but I wanted to make sure there was something here when people did find it - so I figured I would post a little bit about what I was hoping for in this community as people join.
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My name is Jennifer, and I am 31. Last year, my ex-fiance ended our engagement. I was struck with a lot of pain, and a lot of relief combined. The pain was very hard to deal with, and I didn't feel like anyone I knew could understand what I was going through.
I formed this community because I think you have to have gone through ending and engagement - or having someone end it for you - to understand the pain of that situation. How hard it is to have to tell everyone it's over, to deal with everything, the loss of the dream.
I hope that we can support each other, cry and vent to each other about what we are going through and what we have been through. While my ex left me over six months ago, I am still suffering a lot of pain over the incident - possibly because I still see him, which I know I probably shouldn't.
I would really like to hear other women's stories and be there for other women who are currently going through this situation or who have been through this situation and have moved on. So if you're interested, please join and post - everyone is welcome in this community!